As long-time readers know, I have been through a lot the last couple of months, you can read the full story here. I wanted to update you guys in the coming month about my progress but I have to write this part sooner, because I have to get it out of my system now. I feel dirty and guilty for being a part of this and I would never have continued if I knew this was going on. I was basically “the other woman” in this scenario and it makes me sick because I know how it feels to be cheated on by him. I’m writing this post for Sanne, my ex’s new girlfriend because no girl should EVER be cheated on.
I found out this weekend that my ex actually has a new girlfriend, which shocked me because it feels early after being more than 10 years together. I shouldn’t have been shocked since he already liked another girl and tried to be with her during our breakup in May. I was also very surprised because we were “exes with benefits” long after he moved, until July/August. I was fine with it because I have needs, he has needs, we knew what we like intimately and I didn’t feel comfortable to find some random dude on Tinder. Only a select few knew I was still seeing him. I kept it a secret because I was ashamed to still see him even after what he did to me.
I’m pretty sure now he was already involved with her when he was coming over. I actually was already suspicious last time we were hooking up, because he was acting strange but still wanted to continue to hook up after that time. I also wanted to go to his new place to see my cat Atilla again (like we agreed on), but he suddenly didn’t want me there and now I know why. That’s when I voiced my suspicion of him having a girlfriend on Insta Stories, finding out by accident but I’m now sure that this was the case.
He can deny this all he wants but unfortunately for him, I kept all my messages of him saying he was coming over. I’m not ashamed to put my dirty laundry out there to expose someone like him. This one is just a small example, but I can remember this one time clearly because he came after his fathers birthday. I actually hope he was honest about his new girlfriend about this (probably not) but I’m pretty sure he blocked me and removed my messages to prevent her from reading our messages.
So Sanne, if you read this, take the high road, you’re worth much more than him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he doesn’t respect you in the beginning of a relationship, he never will. Trust me on this, I’ve learned the hard way. He deletes messages he sends to other girls and will guilt you “because he knows how you are and there was nothing behind it”. He will make you feel guilty for not trusting him, make you doubt yourself and make you feel insecure instead of confident like a real man should make you feel. If you don’t believe me, go with your gut instinct, I’ve ignored mine way too much. Your gut instinct is there for a reason.
I would have contacted you privately if I knew your social media or anything, but I only know your first name. I hope that you’re lucky enough to find this or people that know you will send you this because you don’t deserve this. I’m sorry to put this out in the open but I don’t know how to reach you otherwise. I also just like to expose my ex for the cheating dirtbag that he is. I hope you will be okay, don’t let him hurt you any further like he did with me.
You can always contact me, I have many more messages if you want to see more of it, but I wouldn’t recommend it because it will probably break your heart even more.
Ik heb jou altijd al VEEL te hoog gegrepen gevonden voor hem.
Outside and inside. Bahbah.
Wees blij dat je van die loser af bent.
En zoiets noemt zichzelf een man. Jakkes. You deserve way better! <3
Dear, I’ve never read your blog before tonight. I’m not even sure how I stumbled onto it, but somehow I landed here. (Think I searched for lip balm, maybe 😉 I feel called to send you a message, just to let you know that I too have been where you are, and I think you’re so incredibly courageous for writing this. Of course, I don’t know anything about your relationship with this man, other than what you’ve shared here, but I’m willing to bet that you’re a caring person who’s been dealing with disordered types of behaviors from him, and that disappointment and confusion were probably the running theme. If I’m wrong, I apologize, but if you take a look at Dr. George Simon, Dr. Ramani, Kim Saeed, Meredith Miller, and Melanie Tonia Evans, and any of what they speak about rings true for you, please know that I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, and you’re right in fearing that his new source of fuel will get the same treatment. It took me six years to understand what was happening to me. There are names for the confusing and hurtful behaviors I endured: future faking, gaslighting, moving the goal posts, flying monkeys, idealize/devalue/discard, and hoovering, just to name a few. Knowing them helps with being able to recognize the lies and manipulations for what they really are. These people’s work has done so much to help me understand what I went through. It’s my hope that they might help you, if you’re dealing with a manipulator…and also help Sanne as well, because inevitably she will be manipulated and emotionally abused, just as you were. It sounds like you have gotten out, and that’s often the hardest part. “Get out. Stay out.” Sending you (and Sanne) hugs and strength!
Ughhh, you are better without him! Scumbag and so disgusting, makes me feel sick when I read this. Girl, you deserve so much better!